Beer troubleshooting

- Last updated on GMT

Related tags: English-language films, Hotel

SymptomFeet cold and wetFaultGlass being held at incorrect angle.ActionRotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.SymptomFeet warm and...

Symptom

Feet cold and wet

Fault

Glass being held at incorrect angle.

Action

Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

Symptom

Feet warm and wet

Fault

Improper bladder control

Action

Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training

Symptom

Beer unusually pale and tasteless.

Fault

Glass empty.

Action

Get someone to buy you another beer.

Symptom

Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.

Fault

You have fallen over backward.

Action

Have yourself chained to bar

Symptom

Mouth contains cigarette butts.

Fault

You have fallen forward.

Action

See above.

Symptom

Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.

Fault

Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.

Action

Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

Symptom

Floor blurred.

Fault

You are looking through bottom of empty glass.

Action

Get someone to buy you another beer.

Symptom

Floor moving.

Fault

You are being carried out.

Action

Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

Symptom

Room seems unusually dark.

Fault

Bar has closed.

Action

Confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home.

Symptom

Truck suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.

Fault

Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.

Action

Cover mouth.

Symptom

Everyone looks up to you and laughs.

Fault

You are dancing on the table.

Action

Fall on somebody cushy looking.

Symptom

Beer is crystal clear.

Fault

It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.

Action

Punch him.

Symptom

Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.

Fault

You have been in a fight.

Action

Apologise to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

Symptom

Don't recognise anyone, don't recognise the room you're in.

Fault

You've wandered into the wrong party.

Action

See if they have free beer.

Symptom

Your singing sounds distorted.

Fault

The beer is too weak.

Action

Have more beer until your voice improves.

Symptom

Don't remember the words to the song.

Fault

Beer is just right.

Action

Play air guitar.

Symptom

Cold and unable to unlock door to hotel room.

Fault

Woke up in hotel room, got up to go to bathroom and chose wrong door.

Action

Knock loudly on door to wake sleeping wife. If this fails, find hotel worker to unlock door for you

Related topics: Beer

Property of the week

The Lower Chequer

- Tenancy

The Lower Chequer is tucked down Crown Bank in the quaint town of Sandbach, a thriving market town most well-known for its ancient Saxon Crosses...

Follow us

Pub Trade Guides

View more

Headlines