Still able to function relatively well. However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as the Sahara. Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a portion of chips.
Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is some light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.
Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 a.m.
Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a litre of coke watching Good Morning with Richard and Judy. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 Sausage Rolls and a litre of diet coke yet you haven't peed once.
Your teeth have sweaters, your eyes look like one big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Moss side secondary school circa 1976.
You would give a week's pay for one of the following - Home time; a donut and somewhere to be alone; a time machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night before.
You'd cry but that would take the last of the moisture left in your body. Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic.
You should have called in sick because, let's face it, all you can manage to do is breathe... very gently.
You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht under full sail. After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off all the pictures, you find the bog . If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your impersonation of walrus mating calls. You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in the world you have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus noises, spitting, and farting.
Help usually comes at this stage, even if it is short lived. Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts. Help now turns into abuse and it usually goes back to bed leaving you there in the dark.
With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15-minute intervals, but your body won't relent. You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and swear that you saw your bum come out your mouth on the last occasion.
You lie there cold and shivering, with eruptions now occurring at 1 hour intervals. It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for the day as you try to climb into bed. S/ He abuses you again for trying to get into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in your hair. You reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for them driving you to the hospital.
The whole day spent (as above Hangover 4 Star) you finally feel well enough to eat again on the following day, with the mention of alcohol making your stomach churn. This effect of sight or smell of alcohol making your stomach churn lasts for a week and publicly you vow never to do it again..... Until next time.
Got a never-fails hangover cure? Email in your suggestions, or add your comments below and share your pearls of wisdom for those mornings-after