Hay nonny no: it's a licensing book
Barrister Philip Kolvin launched his licensing book in style last week, with morris men and an amorous unicorn prancing merrily in the Old Bank of England, the Fullers' pub in Fleet Street.
Morris men, you'll no doubt recall, escaped the licensing net thanks to stiff opposition from traditionalists who feared their demise if it was licensed.
As you can see, Kolvin is not your average barrister, and his wit freely laces the finer points of law explored in his voluminous but highly-readable tome, Licensed Premises Law and Practice (published by Tottel Publishing 01444 416982, priced £70).
Take this gentle ridiculing of the politicians' views on binge drinking, for example. "An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub. The Englishman nurses a pint until last orders, then has two more for the road and reels off at 11.30pm. The Irishman quaffs six pints and comes out fighting. The Scotsman sits in the corner, steadily downs eight pints and wanders off home. Which of them is binge-drinking," asks Kolvin.
His answer illuminates the absurdity of basing policy on loose definitions, for, as he points, out the Department for Culture, Media & Sport thinks binge drinking is rapid consumption just before chucking-out time. On this definition, the Englishman is certainly binge-drinking, but the others are not.
However, the Cabinet Office definition of binge drinking is drinking more than double the daily guidelines, so it would say the Englishman is not binge drinking but the other two are.
The Home Office prefers self-reporting of feeling drunk at least once a month. So the Englishman and the Irishman are binge-drinking, but the Scotsman is not!
Notable contributors to his book include John McNamara and Cathie Smith of the BII, Jan Brown and Stephen Greenacre of City Centre Safe, and Jon Collins of Beda. For anyone into licensing law it's a must. Snifter has it on his groaning coffee table alongside equally essential Sky Sports Football Year Book.
