In session…with Ben McFarland
Beer Writer of the Year Ben McFarland on the power of celebrity in the world of marketing.
Cartoon caricatures of Ian Botham and Allan Lamb are currently starring in a TV advert highlighting that British meat is yummy and that scoffing it won't send you Radio Rental. Quite why these two former, rather flabby, cricketers have been chosen to promote British meat isn't immediately clear.
Yet there's method to this meat-marketing madness - and it's not because Botham is partial to a nice joint. You see, Ian's nickname is "Beefy" Botham and Allan Lamb's is, rather brilliantly, "Lamby".
Dyageddit? "Lamby" and "Beefy" selling, wait for it, lamb and beef. One can only marvel at what they've done there. Genius. Millions on extortionate brand consultancy well spent. Any more of this blue-sky media thinking and soon the British Lions and Bath rugby ace Danny Grewcock will be flogging us Viagra.
But I digress. The cricket carcass connection had me pondering about the "Beautiful Beer" campaign which, incidentally, I'm all for. Any initiative that succeeds in getting the hitherto discordant industry voices singing the praises of beer from the same hymn sheet and addresses the long-standing quality issue should be applauded. However, despite this high-faluting talk of beer's kinship with food, its cornucopia of flavours and its health benefits, the campaign lacks a key component. Namely, the power of celebrity. Yes, beer needs to recruit a famous face or body to flick the switches of young, media-savvy drinkers.
Let's face it, the average trendy drinker doesn't give a fuggles about the variety of hops in their beer. But secure a tabloid photo of an eye-catching film star in a short skirt clambering out of the back of a limo with nothing but a Bishop's Finger for company and bingo, beer's entered the consciousness of the masses.
It's a sad indictment of a shallow society I know but, sod it, beer needs to climb down from the high horse and jump on the celebrity bandwagon. Just look at what Madonna inadvertently did for Timothy Taylor a few years ago. When the "Materi-ale Girl" named Landlord as her favourite tipple, sales of the Yorkshire bitter rose "Like a Virgin" ogling a lingerie catalogue. So which star pairings could be beer's very own "Beefy and Lamby"? Ant & Dec? Cheeky yet squeaky clean, loved equally by both sexes, old enough to be discerning yet too young to be reaching for the Werther's Originals and rather good value down the pub.
They could host I'm a Celebrity… Go Get Me a Beer whereby some daft sort who used to be in Hollyoaks, or some ruined former boxer, has to wash down dung beetles and cockroaches with various bottle conditioned ales. If Channel 4 doesn't want it, then Five will.
Sadly, with a budget of only £300,000, the Beautiful Beer chequebook is unlikely to stretch to big names like that.
So, moving down a rung or two on the celebrity ladder, who else have we got as potential "faces of beer"?
With continental brews on the rise, why not give "Nicole and Papa" from the old Renault adverts a call? Assuming that he hasn't popped his clogs and that she's not let herself go, they're an ideal duo to appeal to male and female drinkers, both young and old.
Alternatively, beer could hijack a specific music scene in the same way cognac has with hardcore rap. Given beer's flavoursome ingredient, hip-hop would be the obvious choice but, alas, brandy's snapped that up already.
Folk's out because of the sandals, middle-of-the-road rock is too well, MOR, jazz is too smooth, thrash metal too rough and country and western is just rubbish. It's got to be rock and roll hasn't it? And who better than Chas 'n' Dave?
They're perfect - in a kind of post-modern, knowingly ironic way. Today's youth are discovering their "cockney sparrah on the joanna" charm. Last summer, they blew the doors off "The Big Chill", an über-trendy music festival, and - not a lot of people know this - but Chas played the piano on Eminem's first album. Or was it Dave? Anyway, they've both got beards and, god knows, they like a pint or two. So, come on the British Beer & Pub Association, sign 'em up!
Ben was awarded the title of Beer Writer of the Year for 2004 by the British Guild of Beer Writers.
