Kiss 'n' tell... Holy bat-signal... Empty vessels...

Punch licensee Steve Smerdon was given 15 minutes of fame after the Prime Minister's wife revealed that he was the first boy she had kissed. Cherie Blair told delegates at the Labour Party conference that she smooched Smerdon under the iron bridge in Waterloo, Liverpool, when they were seven. The licensee of the Bull Inn in Whitwell, Hertfordshire, reckoned they were 11 at the time. 'We weren't boyfriend and girlfriend as such as it was in the early '60s and I thought if I kissed a girl she might get pregnant,' Smerdon told the MA. 'I must have made some impression for her to remember it 40 years later, though.'

Union Pub Company boss Stephen Oliver was given a further reminder of his comments about pickled eggs at UPC's own awards bash at Alton Towers. TV presenter and award host Nick Owen assured the audience that pickled eggs would certainly not be on the menu (although self deprecation clearly was).

As the implementation date of the new Licensing Act drew near, figures from the British Beer & Pub Association revealed the full extent of the paperwork that licensees had to endure. More than 34m sheets of paper were used in the licensing process - enough to stretch from London to Phuket in Thailand. To put it another way, that's 2,720 large pine trees.

MA readers have no doubt waited ages for a bat-related pub story, and their wishes were granted this month. Hordes of the leathery critters were attracted to the aptly- named Pennsylvanian pub in Rickmansworth, Hertfordshire, because the alarm system was sending out a mating call.

From bats to mats, with boffins in Germany inventing an interactive beer mat that alerts bar staff when customers need a refill. It contains hidden pressure censors that can detect the weight of the drink and send a message to the bar when supplies are running low.