Beer we go

There are pubco and brewery sales types who are on their knees right now, praying England have a long run in next month's World Cup. Quite simply, a successful World Cup for England is a cash cow for pubs. But what are we to do if England get knocked out early? What if Wayne Rooney doesn't make it back from injury, David Beckham gets DVT from standing looking at himself in the mirror too long or Michael Owen forces the rest of the squad home by boring them to death?

How can you still make the most of the tournament if England do crash out early? One way is to introduce some fresh ideas regarding the other countries competing in the tournament. An example of this would be to stock beers from these countries. It would be a difficult, almost impossible, task to do this for every country. But there are enough beers available to provide customers with some interesting choices during the tournament.

Group A

• Germany: Bitburger (Adnams)
• Costa Rica: Cerveza Imperial
• Ecuador: Pilsener, Cerveceria Nacional
• Poland: Zywiec (James Clay)

The host country's representative is the Adnams-imported and distributed brand Bitburger. The brand had a "bit"-part to play in the recent Budweiser vs Budvar dispute. Initially, not only was Budweiser told it couldn't advertise its name in any stadium at the World Cup, but it was also informed it couldn't use the abbreviation "Bud" because it looked too much like Bitburger's "Bit". However, according to newspaper reports, the American brand came to a compromise, with "Bud" advertising now allowed pitchside in return for pouring rights for Bitburger in every stadium.

If you are keen to get your hands on a Polish beer, James Clay imports and distributes Zywiec. The lager is brewed near Krakow and weighs in at 5.7 per cent.

Renowned as the national beer of Ecuador, Pilsener is your best bet if you want to support the La Tri (their nickname, you know). However, distributors in the UK are pretty thin on the ground.Group B

• England: Svengal Tiger (Everards)
• Paraguay: Pilsen, Cervepar SA
• Trinidad & Tobago: Carib (James Clay)
• Sweden: Crocodile (Pierhead Purchasing)

So what should we choose to represent England? Something truly English? What about Carling, brewed in Burton by American brewer Coors? It makes huge attempts to associate itself with English football and the England side. But then again, so does Danish-owned and Northampton-brewed Carlsberg.

Perhaps we should look to the cask ale side of things. Shepherd Neame, Fuller's and Charles Wells have battled it out over the years to position their flagship beers, Spitfire, London Pride and Bombardier respectively, to be the "official" beer of England. But why not go for a quirkier option? Leicester brewer Everards has launched a World Cup ale - and with a clever name such as Svengal Tiger, your customers will love your wit as well as your beer.Group C

• Argentina: Quilmes (Pierhead Purchasing)
• Holland: Heineken
• Serbia & Montenegro: Jelen Pivo
• Ivory Coast: Flag, Solibra brewery

The Dutch squad taking part in Germany will be almost unrecognisable from one that travelled to Japan and South Korea four years ago. Coach Marco van Basten has purged the squad of age and experience, opting for players who will not be widely known to UK fans. Much the same can be said for Heineken. In 2002, the beer was still brewed in the UK under licence by Interbrew. Now UK drinkers have the relatively unknown imported five per cent Heineken to contend with, rather than the better known but arguably less exciting brewed-under-licence version.

Argentina's official beer is Quilmes, which has previously sponsored the national side. The 4.9 per cent brand is available through Pierhead Purchasing.

It is unlikely, however, that you will get your hands on a Serbian beer, as brewers tend to concentrate on the domestic market.

Group D

• Iran: there is more chance of Iran winning the World Cup than there is of finding an Iranian beer
• Mexico: Corona (Charles Wells)
• Portugal: Sagres (James Clay)
• Angola: Windhoek Lager (Namibian Breweries)

As alcohol is banned in Iran, no beers are produced. But my Iranian source tells me that some Iranians do brew their own beer on the sly. So to go truly go native, you could try some of that. Just don't apply for progressive beer duty - it might upset the regional brewers.

Finding an Angolan beer is a pretty tall order, but if you are happy to settle for the next best thing, then you could go for Windhoek lager from neighbouring Namibia. It is popular in Angola and is available from most beer importers.

Group E

• Czech Republic: Budweiser Budvar
• Ghana: Star
• USA: Budweiser (Anheuser-Busch)
• Italy: Peroni (SAB Miller)

An overused phrase by lazy football journalists is "group of death". It is applied to the group in a major football tournament in which some of the strongest teams have been drawn.

Well, in beer terms, this is the Group of Death. Not only does it feature two beers brewed by global giants, Peroni and Budweiser, but also the ultimate celebrity death match pairing: Budweiser vs Budweiser Budvar. The trademark dispute is renowned the world over, with the mighty Anheuser-Busch seeking exclusive use of the Budweiser name in markets across the globe.

But in Germany, the boot is on the other foot, as Budvar is the recognised brand. As a result, Budweiser is forbidden from using its full brand name anywhere in Germany to advertise its official sponsorship of the tournament. You can just hear the Czechs crying into their beer!Group F

• Japan: Asahi (Shepherd Neame)
• Australia: Cooper's Sparkling Ale Pier-head Purchasing)
• Brazil: Brahma (InBev)
• Croatia: Old Bohemian (Daruv-arska brewery)

Two of these brands are quite widely available in the UK, with Kent brewer Shepherd Neame producing Japan's finest under licence and super-brewer InBev winging Brahma to these shores from Brazil. But is drinking Brahma like watching Brazil? Well, drinking it doesn't make me feel sexy like a Brazilian. But then few beers do, in all honesty.

Group G

• France: Jenlain 6 Blonde (Pierhead Purchasing)
• South Korea: Hite (Pierhead Purchasing)
• Switzerland: Hurlimann (Shepherd Neame)
• Togo: you've stumped me. Sorry

Now here's a mixed bag, if ever I saw one. Shepherd Neame features again, with Swiss lager Hurlimann. Pierhead Purchasing stocks the 4.5 per cent Hite, which is produced from well water and is described as South Korea's top-selling beer. Will it be a dark horse, like its football team was at the last World Cup?

Now, let's be frank, when it comes to Togo, I could say that I know of a craft brewer in capital city Lome. But that would be a lie.

As for the French, Jenlain 6 Blonde may sound like an odd choice, but after their desperate performance at the last World Cup, you need a beer that will hit you with the unexpected - one with a soupçon of "je ne sais quoi". This blonde ale is six per cent ABV.

Group H

• Spain: Cruzcampo (James Clay)
• Saudi Arabia: Vodka Mud-Sheikh (taxi!)
• Tunisia: Celtia (SFBT)
• Ukraine: Zhiguli

Dear Lord, please forgive me for this terrible pun. May I may be laid to rest next to a gaggle of Sun​ journalists when my time is up. But given we are talking about a country where alcohol is illegal, surely the best bet for supporting Saudi Arabia is to stock plenty of Vodka Mud-Sheikhs!

On a more serious note, James Clay can offer the increasingly popular Cruzcampo for all you Spanish fans.

Contacts

James Clay: Unit 1, Grove Mil