Real ale tale's more than brewer can bear

There has been loads of campaigning lately to stop cask ale's image looking more wrinkly than Mick Jagger in a tutu - the Why Handpull? initiative for example (why not? says Snifter).

So imagine Snifter's dismay when a top brewery boss told him about a recent disaster. The cask-ale heavyweight ventured into a newly-opened boozer after work one Friday and ordered a pint of bitter.

"I suspected by the way the lady pulled the beer she was somewhat lacking in experience," the family brewer said. "I looked at the beer which was flat with no condition, warm and cloudy. And there was a distinct aroma of vinegar."

It was impossible to drink so he told the barmaid: "I am not sure this beer is quite right - it's cloudy!"

She replied: "It's meant to be cloudy - it's real ale sir, and all real ale is like that."

He asked her if she was sure, as it also tasted of vinegar. The barmaid explained that real ale doesn't contain any additives, so you can drink as much as you like without getting a hangover.

"Madam, that is absolute nonsense," the man said.

So the barmaid leant over the bar, looked him in the eye and said: "Sir, I can see you do not understand anything about real ale!"

Trying to suppress his giggles, he was then confronted by a lady sat at the end of the bar who said: "You are obviously not a member of the Campaign for Real Ale, sir."

"Laugh? I thought my pants would never dry!" he said.