Chris Maclean: the price of being drunk

One of my daughter's friends sent her a birthday card headed "get trolleyed".

My daughter is just sixteen and her friend's advice is to get so drunk that, according to the stick-man picture, she should be unable to walk and delivered home in a shopping trolley.

Look, I am not holier-than-thou. I sell alcohol. I know how drunk people can become. But I still cannot grasp the idea that people set out with the express intention of drinking so much that they are unable to walk, unable to function.

To give you some idea of my pedigree I played rugby for many years and often I was drunk. There were many occasions when I could be found dancing on a bar counter, singing loudly, my trousers around my ankles and pieces of flaming toilet paper tucked into the cheeks of my bottom.

But I never set out to be drunk. It just happened.

People who got drunk early and passed out were made to pay for it. They would wake up to discover one eyebrow had been shaved off. (It was always only one, leaving them with the dilemma - do they shave off the other for balance or look an idiot for about a month?)

Sometimes complex practical jokes would be set up. Some of these 'practical jokes' are making me blush as I think of them. But always the person who had gone too far, the person who had drunk too much too early, would be made to pay a price. There would be shame and humiliation. It was considered honourable to be able to hold your drink.

Nowadays it seems young people like to set out to get drunk. Our shame and humiliation at being unable to control ourselves has given way to their pride and honour in reaching such a state. They want to get 'trolleyed'. It is an achievement.

Thursday night has become popular with the darts team who have started to describe it as a "session night". They are starting to tuck into the Cubans with relish. It isn't what I want to see.

I think it is time to hone up my skills as an eyebrow shaver.