Just desserts

PubChef's lighter look at the pub food world

I don't believe it....... A Greek Tragedy

A recent visit to a new pub-chain concept left us lost for words.

When our Greek salad arrived, it didn't include any of its classic main ingredients - not a piece of feta cheese or an olive in sight. When the waitress was politely challenged about this Greek tragedy she said she would talk to the chef. On return she said the chef had "looked at the wrong picture". She returned with a bowl of feta cheese slopping around in the water from its packaging and some bits of cucumber.

We are amazed that the chef couldn't produce a Greek salad and the waitress was so blatant. Sometimes honesty just isn't the best policy.

Jokeof themonth

A customer was bothering a pub waiter.

First, he asked him to turn the air conditioning up because he was too hot, then he asked him to turn it down as he was too cold.

This went on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth without getting angry.

Finally, another customer asked him why he didn't get annoyed.

"Oh, I don't care," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't have an air conditioner."

Crimes against pub food

Massive menus

If we're presented with War and Peace, instead of a menu, and the gaff claims to cook only fresh produce, either the chef is telling porky pies or he has a team of umpa lumpas in the kitchen.

When pages of a menu drop down like a cartoon sketch of a lengthy shopping list, and the specials board is crammed with more choices, we're disappointed as well as overwhelmed.

Surely most pubs can't offer 20 items and guarantee their freshness. And the ingredients can't possibly all be fresh, unless the chef has psychic powers that foretell orders.

It's a shame some chefs think they need to cook 26 variations of steak and 12 types of cheesecake to woo punters - eight great main courses will do the trick. Concise menus also convince us that the chef knows what he or she is doing. There's nothing wrong with using ready-prepared food, as long as you have a short menu that communicates that you care.

In Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, chef Gordon Ramsay always tells struggling businesses to reduce the amount of dishes on the menu - it's a sound bit of advice.

Menu misprints

Welsh rabbit

We're all for naming the origin of produce but when Welsh rabbit actually turns out to be rarebit, we're not happy bunnies

Smoked ell risotto

Who is ell and why has she been smoked? Hit the spell-check, please

Confight of duck

if you're going to use fancy words, at least look them up. Otherwise, punters might expect to see a duck fight in the bar