Business Opinion

Smoke ban prefects will make sure we stick by the rules

That renowned Yorkshireman and dedicated smoker, the artist David Hockney, has been vociferous in his condemnation of the smoking ban ever since it was announced. His latest comment on the ban - "I shall just carry on... I am appalled at it actually - they are treating us like children; I am not a schoolboy" - echoes my own opinion of the way in which this Government is trying to take control of every aspect of our lives.

Since the record-breaking Mr Blair came to power, seven new laws a day on average have been introduced, a grand total of more than 25,000, no doubt all of them thought to be "for our own good". But I challenge Morning Advertiser readers to identify any piece of legislation that has benefited those of us who work in the licensed trade. Can you think of anything that has helped to put more cash in the till, or cut down on the number of forms we have to fill in, or generally made our working life less stressful and more enjoyable? Me neither.

We had hoped that come 1 July the Westminster spotlight might be taken off the trade. This would give us an opportunity to unravel the last shreds of red tape that have been binding us hand and foot for the last two years, and let us get on with building profitable businesses rather than helping local councils and other organisations to increase their turnover.

But we hadn't reckoned with the school prefects, the new anti-smoking officers who will be patrolling the pubs and bars and reporting back to their form teachers. While most councils seem to be advocating a "firm but fair" non-confrontational policy by which their staff will operate, which keen officer, eager to make a good impression with their new bosses, is going to resist the opportunity to hand out fixed-penalty notices to customers and licensees? Who could resist the celebrity (or notoriety) of issuing the first notice after the 6am start to the ban on 1 July and winning the gold star from the head teacher?

So there will still be forms to fill in, court appearances to attend and money to pay out for any of us who get on the wrong side of the law. I wonder if David Hockney will be one of them? For all his talk I'm convinced that he will behave like most other Englishmen - abiding by the law while moaning about the idiocy of it all. I look forward to meeting him in a smoking shelter some day soon.