Pete Robinson: Smokers, non-smokers and 'antis'

What exactly happened to all the non-smokers who were going to turn today's 'healthier' pubs into goldmines?

It's easy to see how greedy licenced-trade moguls and share-price obsessed pubcos were conned by all those dubious opinion polls, contrived for the Government by the likes of ASH and Cancer Research UK.

Seems they fell prey to the delusion that you can have your cake and eat it.

The enticing prospect was that post-ban you'd still keep all your smoking customers. After all the polls 'proved' most smokers either supported the ban, intended to give up smoking anyway or would "visit pubs more often" for the privilege of squatting in a draughty, semi-open hovel in the backyard.

Also your existing non-smokers would not only remain completely loyal, but most "intended to visit pubs more often" to enjoy the new healthy, clean aroma of second-hand farts.

The icing on the cake was to be the countless millions of alleged 'new' non-smoking potential customers who were poised like a coiled spring, awaiting the starting gun on July 1st to risk serious injury in the crush to pack your pub to the rafters as they quaffed pint after pint in such quantities you would need to employ a team of cellarmen to support all the extra bar staff you would need.

So what happened to those estimated 18 million new customers? Have they all been kidnapped by aliens? Sadly the true explanation is a little more mundane.

The simple fact is most non-smokers tend to be only occasional drinkers, hence the pub isn't their natural domain. They never have been and never will be regular pub goers. Nothing wrong with that. Nobody is trying to force them out of their homes although it seems impossible even to tempt them.

Incidently we smokers don't blame non-smokers for the current, abysmal state of affairs. We generally rub shoulders quite happily with non-smokers who are a decent, pretty tolerant bunch on the whole. Very few of them are fully in favour of this ban.

Non-smokers join us in exile within the cold confines of our smoking shelters and we all still get along fine, just like we always have. It's only the 'antis' that get on our scrotes. Let's get one thing clear. You won't find antis among your average group of non-smoking pub-goers.

Antis are not to be confused with ordinary non-smokers, for they are an entirely different animal.

Antis are insular creatures suffering deeper emotional problems, a kind of borderline psychosis. They are made up from the ranks of teacher's pets and school snitches, or the swots who were never present in the student's bar at uni.

Whatever unresolved adolescent issues they once had now manifest themselves in an embittered hatred of seeing anyone, anywhere, even remotely happy.

Antis are likely to have used smoking as an excuse not to go out, not to mix with other people, not to have friends, so that they can dwell miserably at home reading their copies of the ASH 'Fact' Sheets and Mein Kampf. Antis despise anywhere that ordinary people can meet in an atmosphere of unguarded social relaxation, especially pubs.

Strangest thing is that in real life you rarely come across these rigidly intransigent anti-smoking diehards. Reading forums on the 'Net (especially the BBC's pages) one would believe antis are rife among the population but personally I can count on one hand the total number I've ever actually met.

Every other non-smoker has been fair, tolerant and level headed about the subject, a great many of whom consider the 'scientific evidence' unproved or unconvincing. Much as they do the current raft of global warming hysteria. Sorry, I forgot it's 'climate change' this year.

Since the ban was forced upon pubs I've actively sought the opinions of non-smokers concerning the new environment. While most will say they like the cleaner air they are almost unanimously agreed that it's come at too high a price. Social division, lost friends, missing ambience, and empty pubs.

Far from the smug gloating of our on-line antis it's apparent real-life non-smokers feel saddened at the current state of affairs.

So we have smokers who would readily agree to a reasonable compromise, and non-smokers who generally feel the same way. Yet a tiny minority of politically correct puritans have been allowed to manipulate & dictate policy which radically affects the social habits of the masses together with a great many livelihoods.

Antis really couldn't give a toss whether you and your pubs sink or swim, just so long as they can put a stop anything regarded as 'fun'. If every pub in the land closed it's doors for good antis would consider it a positive bonus.

They've successfully dealt traditional pubs a near-fatal wound with the smoking ban. Now they are turning their rancorous attention to alcohol.

Allowed to remain unchecked they will confine our pubs and inns to the recycling bin of history.