Pete Robinson: Undercover cops to police your pub

If you were watching last week's Labour Party Conference you could be forgiven for believing Gordon Brown was on the side of the Licenced Trade. The thumping fist promised a 'review' of the Licencing Act and threatened to get tough on the off-trade, stating, "Let me tell the shops that repeatedly sell alcohol to children: you will have your licence taken away."

Don't hold your breath 'cause it ain't gonna happen. New Gordon, like his immediate predecessor, lies as freely as he breathes. This was mere political gesturing from the man who can cry through one eye.

The supermarket giants have Nu-Labour in their pockets and are at this moment planning Christmas cheap booze promotions that, according to industry expert Andrew Pring, will see beer prices tumble below the 30p-a-pint level. Popular lager brands like Stella and Carlsberg will be peddled for as little as 35p a pint.

"This festive period could well be the worst we have ever seen for publicans", says Mr Pring. "It will be a massive kick in the teeth for struggling landlords." So much for the Government's good intentions.

To get the real picture of what they have in store for pubs you had to listen closely to the speech from the arrogant, newly-appointed Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith.

"Alcohol misuse can cause real damage to real people", bellowed Ms Smith. She even attacked TV bosses for allowing programmes which "celebrated drunken behaviour" by portraying boozy parties and punch-ups in the Queen Vic and the Rovers.

Ex-teacher Jacqui Smith addressed the cameras as if speaking to a class of naughty schoolchildren, warning of a tough, new `zero tolerance' approach to fighting alcohol-fuelled crime with councils and police given new powers to close dodgy pubs and clubs.

Home Office funding is in place for a national campaign, running from November, to plant undercover cops in pubs to catch staff serving drunks. A pilot project is already underway in Blackpool after police claimed they had witnessed drunks being served.

Under the scheme plain clothes police officers will enter your premises posing as customers then monitor the pub's staff and drinkers. Should they witness a punter being served who, in their opinion, is intoxicated they have powers to issue £80 on-the-spot fines to staff and call for a review of your licence.

The big problem here is that police are not providing a clear definition of what constitutes being 'drunk'. The LA 2003 provides no definition or guidance on the issue.

How do you define what it is to be drunk? It can't be based on quantity because one man may be perfectly capable of drinking 20 pints and remain relatively sober whilst his friend could be staggering like a giraffe on roller skates after just 3. Will this notion be biased against women, who become intoxicated faster by virtue of their smaller internal organs?

During my time in the trade I served many people who were intoxicated. On busy nights they all were. Provided the customer wasn't causing any trouble the only criteria was whether or not they could speak clearly enough to order.

If someone had clearly lost use of their faculties then that was that. But otherwise it was part of the job to keep the drinks flowing - selling a legal product for consumption by adult purchasers, old enough to take responsibility for their own actions.

When a group of drinkers are telling jokes and laughing loudly, or having a sing-song, are they 'drunk' or just 'merry'? In my experience they such revelers are NOT drunks and will almost always be apologetic and compliant if asked to "keep it down a bit".

Yet your licence could be under threat if some humourless policeman decides you shouldn't have served them.

Realistically will this misguided action do anything to reduce anti-social behaviour, or will it simply impose yet more punitive restrictions of the already overburdened licensee?

I've said it before and I'll say it again. It's WAR on pubs.

The sooner we all grasp this disgraceful situation the sooner we can unite to rescue what remains of the industry.