Chris Maclean: the TEN commandments

Whoever decided on the Temporary Event Notice (TEN) form is an idiot. A total idiot. The whole wretched process of applying for TENs is a complete nightmare and the form itself oozes incompetence.

I am responsible for 14 events each year and today is the day I send off the applications.

In the old days an Occasional Licence required details of the date, hours, place and purpose of the event. One letter to the magistrates court and another one to the police. A week's notice ensured you didn't have to make a personal appearance ~ but 24 hours was still acceptable.

If we still operated under those conditions for 14 licences I'd need to answer 140 questions, the photocopying would cost £1.96 and the postage £7.28. It would take an hour and cost less than £10. And the fee for a licence was £10 - a total cost of less than £150 for all the licences.

Under the new regime things were simplified under a banner of 'the lighter touch' ~ oh boy, what a lie that was.

Today I have downloaded the 10-page TEN document, omitted the four unnecessary pages and copied them four times for each application - two for the council and one each for me and the police. So that is 56 forms, 336 pages in all. They then have to be correlated. Each form has 63 questions. That is 3,528 questions that have to be answered. Because the envelopes are so vast they exceed the postage limits. The bill for the photocopying and postage stamps alone was £34.03. And with TENs costing £21 apiece the cost of today's licences is in excess of £320.

So what has improved? Absolutely nothing. I cannot think of one positive effect of this change. It is grotesque. Apart from the huge burden associated with the paperwork the forms themselves show monumental incompetence. Totally unnecessary questions follow one after another. But, for me, the crowning glory is the simple fact that it isn't until page two you find out where the event is and page three before you find out when. If the person who designed it had the sense to put the date, time and place on page one it would have been a far more acceptable piece. But they didn't and it is our loss. Is there anyone in any section of government who can stand up and justify this appalling effort?

With election time threatened we are told we can choose the next government. Can any of the parties rid us of this senseless stupidity?