Hamish Champ: Binge-drinking and the school Nativity play
Christmas is upon us, and at this time of year one event on the kitchen calendar fires out at me like a laser-guided missile: the school Nativity play.
It's not everyone's cup of tea, but I'm quite fond of this annual ritual - the innocence of youth, etc. I took an afternoon off work last week to watch my lad and his class perform a song about Joseph and Mary and their search for somewhere to lay up so's she could give birth t'Sweet Baby Jesus.
All well and good, but in a surreal twist Sam's teacher had decided the words would be sung to The Eagles' classic tune 'Hotel California'.
She had managed to get hold of the karaoke version of the original - sans Don Henley's vocals - and as we watched Sam and his classmates sing of Joseph's search for accomodation it was all I could do to stop myself from blurting out: "And in the master's chambers/They gathered for the feast/They stab it with their steely knives/But they just can't kill the beast."
I was half expecting Joe Walsh to saunter into the school hall and break into his famous guitar solo, but that would have been absurd.
Later in the performance, one of the older kids' classes did a high-spirited song 'n' dance number to the tune of Slade's 'Merry Christmas Everybody'. When the children got to the line about whether the fairies could be able keep Santa sober for the day, they repeatedly mimed what I can only describe as someone necking back a pint of beer.
Given my profession, and the stories relating to under-age drinking that we sometimes run on thepublican.com, I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. I opted for the former, doing so like a drain.
And speaking of binge drinking…
According to yesterday's Sunday People, the UK is in the midst of an "appalling crisis" of drunken behaviour, brought about by the new licensing regime.
The newspaper calls on all of us to toast our High Street heroes, namely the ambulance crews who rescue heavy drinkers from the consequences of their actions. "If you're heading out to a Christmas party tonight, raise a glass or two to them - but leave it at that," the paper suggests.
While not for one moment wishing to detract from the superb efforts of our ambulancemen and women, I trust the journos on the People will follow their own advice and stick to "a glass or two" as they celebrate the season of goodwill.
Merry Christmas!
