Hamish Champ: Relaxed licensing hours? Wot relaxed licensing hours? (Part 307)

I know I've covered this subject before, but I'm sorry, I remain bemused by certain aspects of the 'new' licensing laws.

There I was last night, enjoying a few beers with some mates in a very nice pub in the suburb of Blackheath in south east London. We were mulling over some of life's more salient issues, like whether Lou Reed was off his face when he recorded 'Waiting For My Man' - like, what is​ he doing in that brownstone? - and other matters.

Anyway, there we are, it's getting on for 10.30pm, we're all sitting at the back of the pub and while I'm at the bar getting a round in a member of the venue's security team comes round and asks my mates to move to the front of the gaff, coz they're wanting to start closing up.

The first I know of this is as my friends wander past saying they've been chucked out of their seats. Luckily, they find a spare table in the front of said pub.

Fair enough, I thought, they want to clean out the back of the pub, but why the early hour? And can't they wait 'til we've gone?

Together with a licensee friend of mine in our party I tried to engage with a member of staff to find out. I was merely intrigued as to why they saw fit to herd us towards the door at what seemed like a rather early juncture, and in the manner of sheep heading for life's exit.

The rationale, it turned out, was simple: the staff had been there for some considerable time and wanted to clean up and go home. Nothing wrong with that, although when my mate noted that his pub was cleaned of a morning and wondered why this particular establishment didn't follow a similar strategy - thus allowing its customers time to finish their drinks in comfort - the young lady behind the bar uttered the line: "I'm not going to answer such a ridiculous question" and stormed off.

We were only trying to find out what the policy was. Besides, the pub doesn't display its hours; not anywhere we could see anyway. Apparently everyone had to be out - and by that they meant the pub emptied​ of all punters - "by 11".

But what hacked me off was this; why did they serve me with a number of pints at 10.30pm if they knew they were proposing to chuck us out minutes later? Take my money and then hassle me and my friends into downing our drinks? Not exactly on-trade retailing at its best, if you ask me.

I understand that bar staff who've worked long hours can't wait to get home. But when I'm treated as an inconvenience my sympathy fades somewhat…