Chris Maclean: It's nice to be nice

Maybe I've got a misplaced view of myself. Maybe I've been kidding myself. Generally I like to think that I'm genial and kind. Witty and gentle.

I suspect I have a craving to be liked. Maybe that's what attracts me to this trade. So when I get criticism I tend to take it very harshly.

And it didn't come much harder than the letter I got from our restaurant waitress who wrote to me last week.

Just to put it into context ~ Anna runs the front of restaurant virtually single handed. It's a huge job. She is delightful, petite and energetic. Highly educated and articulate, she is also, unexpectedly, quite shy and demure. She works directly for the restaurant and is the interface between the bar and the restaurant. It is through her that I communicate to the kitchen and the kitchen communicates with me.

Her letter certainly read me my pedigree. In it she told me I had shouted at her. Sworn at her. Belittled her. My behaviour "amounts to workplace bullying". She tells she has left work crying on several occasions.

I have been oblivious to it.

Having then had 24 hours to dwell on it, when Anna returned to work I immediately asked to have a word with her accompanied by my sister-in-law. We sat in the garden ~ it seemed a less confrontational venue.

There was really only one course of action. I had to profusely apologise for my behaviour and my insensitivity to her needs. In almost 30 years of marriage I should have had plenty of experience and practice in such matters. My sister-in-law told me I had done a good job.

I was also mindful of our recently formulated complaints procedure which has its foundations in accepting and believing the complainant.

I had to believe Anna's version. It is what she believed.

In truth there is some foundation in her interpretation. I wish it were not so. There is an inherent conflict between the food offering and the bar offering. Anna bears the brunt of that and perhaps I am... well... over-vigorous in championing the bar.

I've discussed this with others around me and all have been supportive. There were comments that she was a little obsessive/compulsive. She is certainly fastidiously attentive to the details ~ thank goodness.

But I have had to temper my abrasive style with her. I need to ensure she remains comfortable and unthreatened. I cannot imagine the disaster if we lost her.

And in doing so I've discovered everything here is a lot calmer.

Its nice to be important.

But it's more important to be nice.