Have you ever had that feeling where you've missed out on a joke? Where everyone is having the greatest time laughing about it but the joke has gone straight over your head? And you are desperately trying to look like you understand?
We've all been there…
This is how people view beer and food matching. Suddenly it is tremendously in vogue. Everyone's talking about it. Apparently everyone is doing it. And you would be dreadfully embarrassed if someone actually pressed you on it and showed up the fact you know nothing about how to match your meat and veg with your brews.
But fear not, help is at hand! One of the problems with beer and food matching is that it has quickly accelerated away from the basics. Too quickly we have moved from basic pairings to what works best with smoked porters. These are rare and exciting beers to be sure - but hardly key to your offer.
Advice in this area couldn't come from a better source than Rupert Ponsonby. A beer and wine PR man and writer, few in the industry have put more time and effort into spreading the word of beer and food.
It was Rupert who famously undertook the considerable challenge of taking wine writers from almost all the UK's national newspapers to Aubergine in London. The restaurant had introduced a beer list to go alongside its wine list. He then convinced the journalists to write a column about beer instead of wine.
He largely succeeded in that task - which was unexpected because wine writers tend to be a group of people not prone to taking on board new ideas put to them by those in the PR industry.
Rupert says any licensee looking to put on a beer and food matching night, or have pairing suggestions on their menus should be guided by simple rules.
"The key rule is to match the intensity of flavour of the beer and the food. Intensity is god in my book," he says. "So if you've got food flavours that are quite sweet you should match it with a mild, which has a similar profile."
Rupert has put together three examples of food matches which demonstrate how to use this rule of intensity of flavour:
1: If you have a soft pork sausage or a chicken pie you should match it with a mild which has sweeter flavours
2: But if you have a sausage stuffed with sage or a meat pie, then you should look for a bitter as the hop in the beer offers you more flavour and hooks up beautifully with the more challenging flavours
3: A spicier sausage or, say, a chilli con carne, will need a beer with even more hop character and possibly a higher ABV. This helps carry the flavour of the beer. And like, say, adding a mango chutney to a curry, could give that little bit of fruit flavour.
Rupert also suggests that you look carefully at your range of ales - and perhaps separate them out, from the biscuity, sweeter ales moving up to the fruitier-tasting brews. This will help you match them with food more effectively.
He also says you need to decide what kind of effect you are looking for. Food and drink matching often concerns closely marrying flavours or using differing tastes to create an excellent flavour.
Rupert explains: "Another principle is to decide if you want your beer to complement your food, or contrast with it.
"So, a creamy dark stew can either have a creamy dark beer to complement it, such as a sweet malty mild or a creamy stout; or it can opt for a contrast, such as a hearty bitter, brimming with tangy orange hop flavours, reminiscent of zesty mustard or soused red cabbage. You can do it either way. But you need to make a call on it."
Beer and food matching is as simple or as complicated as you want it to be. If you fancy moving things up a notch then consider one of Rupert's other principles, which is to view beer as a complete accompaniment to the food you are eating.
"For my final principle, I consider what condiment would best suit each food. So, if my lemon sole screams out for lemon or melted butter, I look for a beer with a light, lemony tinge - or one with a soft buttery flavour.
"And if my hot chocolate pudding would be good with a raspberry sauce, then a raspberry beer will also hit the spot."
Guide to types of food to match with styles of beer
Abbey and Trappist beers: braised meats, casseroles, stews
Barley Wine: strong cheese, such as stilton
Bitter: all meats, roasts, pies, hearty soups. Strong bitters go well with cheese
Brown Ale: sausages, game, any mushroom dish
Fruit Beers: patés, chocolate, crème brûlée, goat cheese
Golden Ales: pizza, Chinese food, pasta
Indian Pale Ales (IPA): spicy dishes (for example, Indian and Mexican)
Mild: beans, burgers, chicken, nuts, hummus
Pilsners: fish, seafood, spicy food
Porters/stouts: seared scallops, oysters, chocolate desserts
Smoked Beers: smoked haddock, smoked salmon
Wheat Beers: mussels, creamy white meat dishes, eggs, white fish, salad