Chris Maclean: A bit rich?

There has been more discussion about making pub toilets available to the general public. On the face of it, it doesn't seem unreasonable. We've all been in situations where we have been caught short, where a public toilet isn't available and where the welcoming sight of a pub promises relief in more ways than one.

I can honestly say that I've never used pub facilities without at least buying a drink. Sadly it is not so for many who imperiously march in, use the facilities and then clear off without a please, thank you or acknowledgement. These are the ones who niggle me. Even when you challenge them they look at you, without expression, trying to fathom what the problem is.

The debate on the radio the other day centred on a local authority who were offering an incentive of £600 per pub to encourage them to open up their toilets to the general public. Very generous you might think.

But the interesting statistic was that this local authority was budgeting £150,000 per set of toilets per year for the cost of running them. One hundred and fifty thousand pounds. In light of that £600 seems a little derisory.

So why is it so expensive? Yeah, I know local authorities are staggeringly incompetent, the toilet cleaner is probably on a huge wage with a final salary pension scheme and there are all the on-costs, but in truth the general public are so destructive in toilets that much of the costs are in repairs and the provision of vandal-proof equipment. I can see it adding up.

But even in the pub here we have problems. I can cope with the theft of soap, the abundant use of towels and the general wear and tear of general usage. But it is the totally destructive mentality of those who are compelled to kick in doors, rip off toilet tissue dispensers, smash mirrors, block lavatories and smear excrement over walls which causes the most distress.

Nothing would please me more than to provide a safe, clean, pleasant facility for the benefit of those who need or want it. But how can you when there are forces out there who would destroy it?

I am certain that the most understated benefit of a good pub is the provision of an environment in which behaviour is regulated ~ where drinking, socialising and behaviour must fall within agreed parameters. So even those who use my toilets are regulated in the sense that if they violate the accepted patterns of behaviour they will find themselves excluded. This becomes extremely difficult if the general public can march into my pub, as a matter if right, and abuse my facilities.

So if my local authority wish me to make my toilets available to the general public I shall reject any paltry offer of £600.

But as a gesture of good will I will accept £100,000. The council will be getting good value, I will provide the finest public toilets for miles around and I will have the resources to handle the vandalism. I am, after all, a businessman.