Chris Maclean: To compliment or not to compliment?

Last week I managed to commit another of those horrid gaffs I seem to be so capable of.

Sharon, an attractive young woman, came in with her father and her uncle, as they often do. Ever mindful of detail I asked if she had been swimming - her hair seemed wet. "No" she replied.

Not wishing to seem un-observant I continued: "So you've just got out of the shower then because your hair's wet?" to which she replied that she hadn't washed her hair, she'd been out with the dogs, her hair was filthy and she intended to go go home and wash it later - but in the meantime I'd managed to draw attention to it and embarrass her.

I read some time ago that many women in the UK have a lower self-opinion of themselves than many of their European counterparts. One of the reasons, this article suggested, was that British men are far less inclined to compliment women - unlike their European cousins.

It would seem British men are reluctant to venture such opinion on the grounds that it would be interpreted as sexist, chauvinistic, intrusive or as some kind of grotesque chat-up line. I know I have made comments on people's hair, for example, suggesting it looks nice, only to be rebuked by that person "what are you saying I normally have rubbish hair?" From then on you cannot win.

But despite the occassional setbacks I have made a concerted effort to pay more compliments to women. From men being considered sexist pigs in the 70's, through the period of perceived equality in the 80's, the power-dressing assertive feminism of the 90's there now seems to be a more comfortable relationship between men and women in social situations; people seem more comfortable in being what they are, wherever and whenever they are.

But does this give sufficient leeway to offer compliments and other gestures, previously in a forgotten era referred to as manners, or do we still risk condemnation?

Maybe because I am older, and perhaps sadly because women now view me as less threatening, I am finding a strange delight in being able to offer compliments to women. Sometime I'll offer, as graciously as I can muster, gentle comments to complete strangers. Increasingly these are acknowledged for what they are - compliments recognising that someone has made an effort.

These unsolicited comments are not confined just to women but to every area where recognition might be warranted. A nice flower display, a tidy pub garden, a good member of staff. I try to compliment where ever I can.

But, as happened with Sharon, it doesn't always go to plan.

A customer I knew to be expecting a baby called in a few months ago. Noticing her small "bump" I asked her when the baby was due. It seemed innocent enough. With a venomous glance she turned on me and said "I had it two weeks ago".

At times like that you wish the ground would open and swallow you up.

But I am not disheartened. If I can bring a little sunshine to peoples' lives and help to raise women's self opinion then I believe I am doing the right thing. Even if it doesn't always go to plan.