Hamish Champ: Keeping it real in Europe's stag party capital

I'm sure many of you know the phrase 'What goes on tour stays on tour.' It's much used on stag do's and was the inevitable mantra when I found myself on such a four-day marathon in the Estonian capital of Tallinn the other weekend.

With such a Golden Rule in mind it would be remiss of me to reveal how one of our party, a chap by the name of *******, met this ********** and showed her his ****** and she said ****! ****** *** ******* ***** *** **** ****. And then it broke off! Oh how everyone laughed.

Joking aside our party was boisterous but still behaved with laudable courtesy towards the local population while enjoying to the full the hospitality the city's bars had to offer.

The running joke of the trip was the fact that the local beer of Tallinn was a brew called Coq. Hours of endless fun were had by asking the city's long-suffering barmaids for a "large Coq", and by the looks on their faces I'll wager it wasn't the first time this witticism had been uttered.

There are those who argue that your average East European bar person doesn't have the joi de vivre​ of an Aussie or Kiwi. Then again, having to listen to dozens of grown men warbling 'Sweet Caroline' in a bar all night would be enough to wipe a smile from the face of a saint.

Being a city that has such binge-drinking potential, come 3am I expected to see the streets of Tallinn littered with the unconscious bodies of boozed-up Brits. I saw not one.

Nor was there any sign of the trouble that often bedevils many of our own town centres in the wee small hours of the morning. As this was the same city whose mayor had asked British stag parties to take their fun and games elsewhere I was pleasantly surprised.

It wasn't just the Brits getting hammered either. The locals were embracing the hospitality of their own leisure industry with considerable gusto. Given they were living under the yoke of Soviet totalitarianism fewer than two decades ago you could hardly blame them.

So what is Tallinn's secret? Why none of what we see here? The cops might be tougher, or the bars might be better, or the booze might be more expensive, than they are in the UK. But none of these theories seemed to hold true. Maybe education surrounding alcohol is better, though I doubt it.

Drinking appears no less a part of Estonian culture than it does here. Then there is the stag crowd, singing 'Swing Low, Sweet Chariot' at the top of their lungs to anyone who'll listen.

Yet there wasn't the depressingly familiar sodden aftermath to contend with. Or maybe I was just lucky on this particular weekend.

Whatever the reason it shall probably remain, as '80s pop chanteuse Toyah once sang, a mythtery.