Pub Bitch: Penny Chuffin' Competition, Turkey Testicle Festival and Jim fixes Christmas
Insert coin in slot
Some strange things certainly go on in my local but surely nothing quite as bonkers as the International Penny Chuffin' Competition, hosted annually at the New Inn in Wedmore, Somerset. Nearly 70 competitors took it in turns recently to waddle three times along the four-yard course with three 2p coins wedged between their buttocks, before depositing said coppers into a waiting pint tankard. The press blurb summons up a rather unsettling image: "Some waddled; some chooed and some even used their front bottoms in an attempt to seek victory!"
Yes, he really did say "front bottoms". Lesley Watts (pictured right) was one of four competitors who scored a perfect nine in the first round, before going on to claim victory. Which bottom she used, front or back, is not made clear and quite frankly I don't want to know…
Turkey twizzlers
Talking of strange goings-on in pubs, our American friends know how to ramp up the weird factor. A pub in Chicago, the Parkside, last week hosted a special event to coincide with the country's annual Thanksgiving shindig. The Turkey Testicle Festival is in its 27th year and attracts 4,000 people in a single day, an estimated half of whom are believed to help themselves to a cup of deep-fried turkey balls, a snip - if male readers will pardon the leg-crossing pun - at $4 (£2.50) a go, tabasco sauce optional. The pub's co-owner, Jeff Lovell, told a local newspaper the event was the biggest crowd puller of the year. As for the testicles, he said "they have the consistency of a mushroom and taste like chicken". I'll take his word for it…
Text education
Whodathoughtit? According to the Drinkaware Trust and health charity Brook, drinking alcohol increases the chances of young people taking risks, including not thinking about how they're likely to get home after a party and with their sexual health. The two organisations have created the 'Have Fun. Be Careful' campaign to stop the number of alcohol-related incidents that occur among youngsters in the Christmas and New Year period, particularly conceptions. Via a text due to be sent out on New Year's Eve the campaign aims to remind young people to enjoy themselves and, if they must do a bit of alcohol-fuelled jiggy-jiggy, to use a condom. Assuming the little darlin's aren't so wasted they can't read their phones…
Fish fiddlers
I'm all for responding to claims of abuse against animals but sometimes things can go a bit too far. The Black Sparrow pub in Glasgow recently received a visit from animal protection officials after a customer had complained that fish in a tank near the bar were being abused. However far from accusing staff or other customers of bullying or verbally assaulting the fish, the punter was worried because "the water was cloudy". After officials ascertained the health of the goldfish in question, the pub's relieved licensee, Dave Ross, said he "wasn't exactly sure how you would abuse a fish". He clearly has not read Lace by Jackie Collins…
Jim fixes Christmas
Now then, now then, jewellery jewellery, jewellery. If you wondered where Sir Jimmy Saville, doyen of 1970s Saturday night TV, ended up, he's right here, in Leeds, switching on the lights bedecking a Christmas tree made entirely out of VK Vodka Kick bottles (apple and cherry flavours, if you're interested). The tree is "backlit to create an authentic Christmas tree appearance", gushed the press gubbins. Mmm, nice. Sir Jim said he found the idea of a tree made of bottles "worth seeing." Plus the former Fix It man saw it as an early Christmas treat "to be able to switch on the lights with the VK girls to help". We're sure the laydees felt the exactly same way…
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