Play it again, Sam (and DCMS)

It is no surprise that the popular press has a field day with civil servants' attempts to make sure the law is strictly accurate.

The licensing laws are no exception.

Following on from my piece last week about doubling up the "relevant offences", I have now discovered that the Security Industry Authority's list of questionable activities if you apply for a doorstaff licence includes "manufacturing weapons of mass destruction"! Knowing the track record of that organisation, they might well miss the occasional terrorist in their midst.

But the hyperactive Department for Culture Media & Sport is at it again. Following on from the three consultations in December, it has come up with another musical interlude — this time centring on that venerable institution, the pub piano.

Music, as you know, has caused a great deal of controversy since the new licensing laws came into effect, and the DCMS has had to ward off the continuing complaints of Feargal Sharkey and his colleagues that as the ministry for culture they are killing live pub entertainment, particularly music (stand-up comedy is not a licensable activity, remember).

So they have come up with a number of manipulations of the Act designed to make it easier to put on small-scale live pub music — as long as you can understand the words!

What constitutes incidental music?​

This latest consultation itself is quite a problem in that regard, mainly in deciding what constitutes incidental music. Given the amount of chat that goes on in a pub any evening, you could say that more or less any performance that takes place at the back of the lounge bar is incidental, but in general the fact that something is put on to entertain an audience will require the relevant permission on your premises licence.

But a pub piano? This has up to now been widely regarded as "a facility to make music", to use the Parliamentary term.

Such a facility has its own special box on the application form (box I), meaning that you have to declare it and get permission for its use. And indeed some local authority snoopers have been reported popping round to discover "illegal" pianos in the bars of England and Wales.

So the DCMS wants to exempt pianos and any other facility that allows a musical instrument to be played without amplification as long as the music is incidental to the general activities of the pub.

A customer coming in and playing a few tunes in the background will, therefore, not be considered the provision of musical entertainment, but featured music itself will need the authority of the licence. Similarly, other instruments and music stands will be exempt.

But this still does not really answer the question that I was often asked on the roadshows prior to the passing of the Act — what constitutes a facility for making music? Is it a plug in the wall that the band can use for its amplifier, or just the amplifier? Is an open area where the band performs a "stage" or not? Is a microphone used for bingo and announcements a facility if it doubles up for the lead singer?

All these questions show what a nit-picking bunch we are in this country when it comes to legislation. I had hoped that in its attempts to clean up the Licensing Act, the DCMS might ask itself what on earth was the point of boxes H and K, which cover entertainment "of a similar description" to making music or dancing. Are they ever used? And in what context? I should be pleased to hear from readers who may have some examples.