Hamish Champ: Customer service, Warhammer style!

In such economically perilous times as these, when Hard-Pressed Consumers™ are looking for the best value experience they can get, it is staggering that some retail operations think they can afford to treat their punters with, well, indifference.

I know many people running the nation's pubs are facing the same hardships as the rest of us, and everyone has bad days, etc. But some pubs I and some mates visited last week appeared to be adopting the 'So what do you​ lot want?' approach to hospitality.

I'm not suggesting licensees lay out the red carpet every time a customer walks in their pub. But it would be nice if they could at least try and look pleased to see one when they do.

In the US people in the service industries go to the other extreme, with clearly feigned pleasantries delivered, one assumes, in the hope you'll leave a big tip. But while it might be surface civility, at least it makes you feel like your custom is appreciated.

There is no such tipping culture here, and it is rare for customers to walk out of a pub simply because they weren't greeted warmly. But indifference occurs all too often.

I wonder what would happen if barstaff took the following approach whenever someone walked into their premises: "Hi guys, how are you? How can I help you? What are you after?"

This is the mantra of the Games Workshop staff member. They might be a bit nerdy - come to think of it they are a lot​ nerdy - but at least they a) make you feel welcome and b) sound interested in what you're trying to achieve by entering their shop.

If you are looking for model kits of orcs, beastmen or daemons of chaos, or books explaining the mind-boggling rules of 'Warhammer', then these people will bend over backwards to help you.

(At this point I must stress that I am not into these things, that it was my 11-year old son whose passion for the game drove me into the GW shop. And no, I doth not protest too much.)

Meanwhile some pubs appear to take a perverse delight in heading in the opposite direction.

The Enterprise, a pub in Camden, North London, is hugely popular and can afford to post notices on its walls highlighting the inconsiderate habits of some of its customers.

It starts off by addressing its 'lovely patrons' and says they can make life more fun for the barstaff by doing the following:

• Get to the bar and forget what you ordered, then ask your 10 mates what they want again

• Complain about the music being too loud…then complain about the music being too low

• You are right! The head on that pint was far too big. Let me give you an extra pint for free because of our greed

• If paying on a debit or credit card, when it comes to putting your pin number in, ignore us and finish the conversation you were having with the stranger next to you…or better, go for a little walk. It's fun for us to come and find you.

I'm sure such things are indeed highly annoying and must try the patience of even the most saint-like bar person. Maybe Camden just attracts feckless punters. But is potentially slagging off everyone in your pub a wise move?

When I asked a member of the Enterprise's barstaff about the notice she told me it was tongue-in-cheek - "Well, mostly" - and said most of her customers saw the funny side. It had not deterred people from visiting the pub in the least, she added, noting the place was "rammed every night".

It's maybe not everyone's ideal way of reaching out to one's customer base, but then for some the traditional way of doing things is rather… dull.