Hamish Champ: Well, you've gotta laugh, haven't you?

I spent much of this past weekend going 'mystery visiting' some of The Publican Awards​' Freehouse of the Year finalists, and what a fine bunch of pubs they were.

Lots of great cask ales on offer - almost all sourced locally - and the kind of food you'd eat every day if you had the chance.

Service standards were great too, and the atmosphere in each made me want to settle down for the duration and savour what pubs do best; great hospitality.

All in all it gave me great hope for the future of this particular type of establishment.

So what with being in such a bloomin' good mood I wanted to start this week with a bit of a laugh, so instead of droning on about the stuff that's usually to be found in this weekly column I thought I'd share with you some of the best quotes/utterances I could find to do with the art and practise of drinking.

If your favourite isn't on the list, or if you know of one that you think is funnier, feel free to send it in. Usual address, etc.

But remember, drinking irresponsibly isn't big, clever, or funny...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies, and kids with fake IDs." - Homer Simpson

"I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do. Whereas priests...er. More drink!" - Father Ted Crilly

"C'mere Ted, Ted, Teddy, Ted. God, I love being a priest. We're all going to heaven lads, wheeeyyyyyy!" - Father Dougal McGuire

Lois Griffin: "Peter, what did you promise me?" Peter Griffin: "That I wouldn't drink at the stag party." Lois: "And what did you do?" Peter: "Drank at the stag pa... Whoa. I almost walked into that one."

"I'm not drunk, all right. I just have a speech impediment ... and a stomach virus ... and an inner ear infection." - Brian Griffin

"A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her." - WC Fields

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." - Ernest Hemingway

"An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do." - Dylan Thomas

"I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." - Winston Churchill

"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer." - Frank Zappa

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." - Frank Sinatra

"Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth." - George Burns

"Beer is not a good cocktail-party drink, especially in a home where you don't know where the bathroom is." Billy Carter (President Carter's brother)

"I saw a notice that said 'Drink Canada Dry' and I've just started." - Brendan Behan

"I wish I could drink like a lady/I can take one or two at the most/Three and I'm under the table/Four and I'm under the host." - Dorothy Parker

"A hangover is the wrath of grapes" - Author unknown