Where Eagles Dare (Part 2)
No sooner had the words left his lips than the door opened and the radio operator burst in. “Sir, Danny Boy’s alive. He’s just made contact!”
The assembled group dashed to the ops room.
“Danny Boy calling Broadsword....Danny Boy calling Broadsword.....”
“Where the hell have you been Danny Boy? We’d all but given up on you.”
“Long story Sir. Let’s just say I’ve been discovering the joys of partnership.”
“What’s your situation Danny Boy? Are you still trading?”
“Just about - no thanks to my supposed partner. My God, have I got some stories for you!”
“Last time we spoke, you were close to going under, what happened?”
“Well things almost went completely pear shaped. The pubco sent me an inflated dilaps bill and I’d braced myself for a visit from the heavies to facilitate my removal from the premises.”
“How do you know your dilapidations bill was inflated?”
“Two thousand quid for a toilet seat. A bit steep, don’t you think?”
“Does sound a tad inflated; even by pubco standards. So then what happened?”
“Well thankfully a couple of people in the village died. The villagers all came back to the pub after the funerals – put enough money in the till for me to get my nostrils back above the waterline.”
“So has your pubco stepped in to offer support?”
“Ha.............ha.............”
“Danny Boy........are you still there..........Danny Boy?.........”
“......sorry Sir....started laughing so much I couldn’t talk. In fact, I fell off the chair - think I’ve given myself a bloody hernia!”
“What’s so amusing?”
“Sir, I don’t anyone out there has any comprehension as to what I’m dealing with here. It’s like having a whopping great leech stuck to your torso 24/7. It just sits there, sucking and gorging, draining all the life blood out of you!”
“Yes, I can see why that might be a little demoralising.”
“These people don’t give a s**t about my welfare. Have you any idea what’s it like working with a partner whose only concern seems to be where the next bonus is coming from?”
“Err…not really no.”
“My sole priority is the daily battle to stay in business. My beloved BDM on the other hand has rather more pressing matters on his mind; like trading-in his Porsche Boxster for a new Boxster S! He’s made it clear that unless I pull my finger out and start hitting some fantastical mythical targets it ain’t going to happen for him.”
“Doesn’t he understand the state of the market?”
“Of course he does but he’s in denial – falling footfall and plummeting beer volumes aren’t what he wants to hear. That’s not going to keep those bonuses coming in, is it?”
“So how’s your BDM going to get his new Boxster S?”
“Well kicking me out might be a good start.”
“I don’t follow.”
“My pubco has debts well in excess of 2 billion. I suspect they want me out so they can sell the pub. It seems I’m only useful until Tesco come along waving their whopping great chequebook about; once they’re on the scene I’m surplus to requirements.”
“Well, let me play devil’s advocate for a minute. The pro-pubco lobby would probably say you’re merely blaming others for your own lack of expertise.”
“Sir, the demise of tied pubs is a national phenomenon; no-one can deny that. Did you know that in Q3 and Q4 last year off-trade beer sales surpassed those of the on-trade for the first time?”
“Err..no I didn’t.”
“Needless to say the industry isn’t exactly shouting it from the rooftops. Even more worrying is the fact that from 1997 to 2013 on-trade volumes fell more than 47%. Things aren’t getting any better this year either. Q1 down a further 4.2%. How do you think the industry explains away these rather unpalatable facts?”
“Oh don’t tell me they’ve gone with the bad weather line again?”
“That’s exactly what they’ve done – can you believe it? Let’s not forget volumes have been heading south since 1979. Presumably the only conclusion we can draw is that the UK’s in the grip of the most prolonged bout of torrential rainfall in meteorological history!”
“Oh, by the way Danny Boy, there have been some developments whilst you’ve been away – one of the pubcos has announced its intention to move into the managed sector.”
“Smoke and mirrors Sir.”
“Err...I don’t follow.”
“They already have a managed estate. By the time they’ve sucked everything out of the pub via extortionate rents and beer prices there’s nothing left for me. I don’t even make minimum wage - my staff earn more than me for God’s sake!
To all intents and purposes I’m an unpaid manager – the pubco get all the benefits of a managed pub without the inconvenience of having to pay manager’s salaries, utilities and all the other irritating costs that come with running a pub.
They keep banging on about risk and reward. The fact of the matter is that people here are deserting the sector in droves; quite frankly they’ve had enough and I don’t blame them. If government don’t do something pretty damn quick we’re going to have a crisis of cataclysmic proportions on our hands.”
“What do you suggest we do?”
“We need to make it clear to all and sundry that the tied model is a product of the Dickensian era, one that has no place in the modern world.”
“The BBPA argue free of tie pubs are closing in greater numbers and that tied pubs are only holding up due to pubco support.”
“With all due respect Sir, that’s complete and utter bollocks. I’m in constant contact with many tied tenants. They all say given the financial constraints pubcos are working under, the few paltry benefits that were on offer disappeared a very long time ago.
Rents linked to RPI and continual beer price hikes; these are the stark realities for the tied tenant of today. How does this square with the notion that pubcos are keen to support their partners?
Pubcos are merely looking to buy themselves more time; the question we need to ask is why government continues to indulge them - they’re fully aware of the repercussions for pubs, tenants and the local communities.”
“Government continue to assure us action is imminent.”
“Forgive me, but we’ve been hearing that line for years. The greatest obstacle to reform is political inertia. We’ve become all too accustomed to empty rhetoric, sympathetic nods and assurances our concerns are being addressed.
‘We need to be patient’ they say. Try telling that to tenants about to go under; sick with worry that a life without a roof over their heads beckons.
Try telling that to tenants who’ve been waiting patiently 14 years for government to stop pontificating, get off their arses and actually do something.
Try telling that to tenants who have to work with a partner systematically bent on sucking them dry before tossing them onto the scrap heap.
Tied tenants need action, and they need it now!”
To be continued...
