My election manifesto
My new government would recognise the importance of owner-operated pubs in providing training and employment for needy youngsters in the towns and cities of the UK.
The recognition of pubs as all-round good places would involve a zero rating for VAT, National Insurance and income tax on all pubs operated individually. Not two, or 22, just one.
Suddenly, we'll become like France with lots of little guys employing 20 or 30 people and making shedloads, like in the old days. It would solve our pension problems too as we wouldn't need support in our old age because we would have loads of money to support ourselves.
Now there's a novel idea, support ourselves. Make this a B&Q election and get people doing things for themselves. How? Reduce personal taxation, say, and let us keep our money. We then decide how we would like to spend it.
Pay for roads with car tax, pay for hospitals with credits on your NI number card, like a pay-as-you-go mobile phone (with top-ups available from your local pub, of course). Dustbin collections could be paid for using a council club card sort of thing.
This would solve the problem of MPs' expenses because they wouldn't need to do anything. Cut the number of MPs to around 85 — one for each county. Really low company tax should be enough to pay for 85 MPs and there would be plenty to spare because low company taxes would make everyone want to be here.
The bad thing is we might see more of Tony and Cherie, but if we ban them from the telly and internet it could be okay.
Any other problems? Ah, the elderly. Well, pubs will now be so cheap (but very profitable) that the old folks will be down the local at lunch time for a bite to eat with their mates, and they will probably have a sing song on a Thursday. Pubs will be so profitable that we will all have community buses and we'll drop them off home and tuck them up and that's another thing sorted.
So, friends, I could go on, but you recognise the message, I am sure. I welcome your support in this important election and look forward to being your next Prime Minister on the slogan: vote for the Guv'nor — I promise to do as little as possible.
Gerry Price, the Inn @ West End, Surrey
