Robert Sayles: Are you being unfaithful to your partner?

By Robert Sayles Robert

- Last updated on GMT

Related tags Partner Love

I have a confession to make; my partner and I are going through a bad patch. We've been together for many years now, but in recent times the love...

I have a confession to make; my partner and I are going through a bad patch. We've been together for many years now, but in recent times the love just seems to have drifted away. It's very sad, she was my first true love and I always felt ours was a bond that would stand the test of time.

The truth is I feel I'm being used, taken for granted. The things I was promised when I entered into this relationship no longer seem to apply and, despite all the denials, it is very apparent that the end is nigh.

I have to confess, there is somebody else. We've met a couple of times now and I think I'm falling in love; I'm hearing all the things that my current partner hasn't said to me in a long time. I feel wanted, valued and loved; after years of neglect it's a nice feeling I can tell you.

We met on the internet and had our first date at a secluded restaurant; it was quite simply a wonderful evening. We seemed to have so much in common, the conversation flowed effortlessly and the hours flew by. Ashamed as I am to admit it, I found myself thinking that this new acquaintance was everything my partner used to be, but no longer is.

Even at this early stage, I could feel a bond of love growing between us. The defining moment came when I took her hand, looked longingly into her eyes and whispered seductively "All I want is a guest ale provision; is that too much to ask for?"

She smiled provocatively and promised me that she would think about it and I knew there and then that this was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I had long since given up asking for anything from my current partner, years of empty promises had taken their toll; I was quite frankly exhausted from the constant bickering and just wanted a quick exit.

We spent the rest of a quite wonderful evening engaging in 'lovers talk' - declining volumes, falling margins, imminent tax rises and prospects for the economy going forward. We seemed to agree on so much. She listened attentively and supportively as I outlined my concerns about the present and my hopes for the future.

The following day I went around to the flat to pick up my things; my ex was there and I informed her that I'd met someone else and that I was leaving.

"I can change" she said, "I really can."

"It's too late for that" I replied.

"What did I do?" she asked.

"It's more about what you didn't do. You never realised that I had needs as well, you were always too busy thinking about yourself."

"I'll give you a new deal" she said, "I'll let you go FOT on bottled gas."

In truth I was in no mood to listen. I packed my things silently as she stood there watching me with her arms folded defiantly.

"What will it take for you to stay?" she finally asked. "You can have anything you want, just don't go." I swear there was almost a tear in her eye; this woman was good, I had to give her credit for that.

"I want an FOT option and a rental premium in line with RICS recommendations" I replied.

I could tell by the look she gave me that I'd asked for too much.

She shook her head. "I can't promise you that" she said.

I finished packing and walked toward the door without saying anything.

"What if I give you a couple of 11s of John Smiths?" she enquired hopefully.

I didn't respond. I just closed the door quietly behind me and walked away.

My life has now irrevocably changed; my new partner is telling me all the things I really wanted to hear from my ex, 'stepped rent', a 'guest ale provision', a 'no strings attached' relationship to start with and an 'FOT option' further down the line. If everything works out then at some point I'll probably move in permanently, but we're not committing too much too soon as we're still getting to know each other, after all, what's the rush?

She seems to understand all my anxieties, all my concerns. Can I trust her? Am I merely on the rebound? You know what they say; love is blind, so only time will tell.

And my former partner? I suspect she's already found someone to move in; another victim of her seductive charms and false promises. I wish them luck I really do; I suspect they're going to need it.

I know many people who are deeply unhappy in their relationship but persevere nevertheless in the often forlorn hope that eventually things will improve. I can fully understand why - a break up is traumatic in the short term, but surely preferable to a lifetime of misery and unhappiness?

So, if you're stuck in a relationship which is going nowhere then why don't you get out there and try and find somebody else? You never know, you might get lucky!


Ever feel stressed out? At the end of the evening, when the last of the customers have departed and peace and tranquillity descend, I pour myself a cold one and savour it whilst listening to Ravel's pavane pour une infant defunte by William Orbit. Utter bliss. Try it, for a few precious minutes at least, all your troubles will just melt away, trust me.

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