Pub Bitch: WKD ads gone to pot

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Related tags: Royal highness

Royal booze-up in brewery I felt disposed to get down on one knee last week when onto my desk floated an invitation to the official Royal opening of...

Royal booze-up in brewery

I felt disposed to get down on one knee last week when onto my desk floated an invitation to the official Royal opening of the National Brewery Centre in Burton-upon-Trent. With the event set to be graced by the presence of HRH The Princess Royal, the invitation contained a handy etiquette guide on how to greet members of the Windsor family. For the ladies the complex — and seemingly physically impossible — act of curtseying is explained, while the lads are told how to bow, "gaze lowered, as the head tips forward". Word (Hearsay? Ed) reaches me that the museum has had a number of changes of management since it opened, which it did only in May. Hopefully all will go well when Her Royal Highness pitches up on September 21…

WKD ads gone to pot

I wish I didn't have to do this, I really do, but I can't help it. I was leafing (geddit?) through the latest bumper edition of AB-InBev's Cheers book, a helpful tome outlining the brewer's latest great deals for licensees, when I happened upon a page advertising WKD with what looked suspiciously like a repeated pattern of a marijuana leaf throughout. Is this some sort of hidden message? I think we should be told…

Test yourself

Hurrah. AlcoSense, "the UK's official number one manufacturer of consumer breathalysers by popularity", it says here, is rolling out its patented wall-mounted coin-operated breathalysers. The Royal Borough of Windsor and Maidenhead deputy mayor, Ashgar Majeed, gave the AlcoSense WM1, as it's officially known, his seal of approval. "If it makes people stop and think before getting into a car and driving it will be beneficial and potentially save lives," he said helpfully, before blowing long and hard into a length of white tube. The WM1 is endorsed by Sir Stirling Moss, apparently, which is lovely, but as if pubs didn't have enough to worry about, now they've got to monitor and maintain another money-eating box which could be the target of thieves. Etc.

Who needs pubs anyway?

I was delighted to receive details of a wizard new wheeze from those nice people at Marston's. The Wolverhampton-based brewer of such fine ales as Pedigree and Jennings has created a website, www.classicales.co.uk, where, according to the press blurb, "some of the country's most popular beers can be bought and delivered to drinkers' doors". Yep, why bother going down to the pub to try out some of its wonderful beers? Just sit at home in front of your computer screen and press a few buttons. Yes, I know there's more to drinking beer than a visit to the local, and yes people will always want a beer or two at home, but it's my job to highlight this kind of… iniquitous state of affairs…

Booze on wheels

They do things differently in Texas, don't they? A certain Mike Goggans, who runs a tyre-fitting establishment in Houston, has been granted permission by the authorities to operate a 'drive-thru' off-licence. Yes, we know it'd never happen here. The drive-thru lane for beer sales is next to a thumpin' great walk-in cooler Goggans had built to stash various cases of beer, while tyre-fitting bays and an office/customer service room occupy the rest of the building. Still, Houstonians won't be seeing any more such establishments. Soon after the local council rubber-stamped Goggans' permit it halted any more outlets being so adapted. Why they green-lit his one is a mystery…

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