Pub Bitch: Tying your punters down

Volunteer slaves

There's an alternative use for a pub and then there's an alternative use for a pub. Having stood derelict for a number of years the Rifle Volunteer in Stockport recently reopened as a bondage club under the alluring moniker of 'The Slave Academy'. Describing itself as "Manchester's only slave training academy", the premises says its 'mistresses' can "turn their tender, yet cruel hands to every type of scenario" in rooms which "include bespoke fetish furniture and every toy you can imagine". The mind boggles. Some locals have been up in arms™ over the club's presence, while others have pointed out that while it was boarded-up, the building merely became a haven for smackheads, crackheads and assorted ne'er-do-wells, so that its new guise, however racy, is infinitely more preferable.

Apples: reassuringly expensive?

I was interested to see AB-InBev launching a new apple-based drink last week. As reported elsewhere in this issue the brewer said its new Stella Cidre "perfectly complements our existing range of premium drinks and widens the footprint of the Stella Artois superior premium drinking experience". Now, you might ask whether the market needs another over-ice cider. Clearly it does. Meanwhile, there was mischievous talk from rival brewers of a shortage of apples in Belgium, where the Cidre stuff is to be made. This was naturally scoffed at by the AB-Inbev powers-that-be, but given that the goody bag handed out to those attending the product launch contained a solitary apple and some hay, the oppo' may be on to something. What do they think I am, a horse?

Sound familiar?

We all know there are some proper characters at the top of the UK's pub and brewing concerns. I say this because the other day I happened upon some Canadian research which found that companies with a 'dominant' chief executive either performed much, much better than companies run by a more moderate boss, or conversely much, much worse. The study - snappily entitled Dominant CEO, Deviant Strategy, and Extreme Performance: The Moderating Role of a Powerful Board - said the solution to a headstrong chief executive was a strong board of directors. "Having dominant CEOs is risky," the study concluded, "but powerful boards help control the downside risk, while leaving the upside potential relatively open". Now, who do we know who's like that?

Mind the step

Think UK pubs have a tough time ensuring under-age drinkers are kept out? Down Under it seems bar operators go the other way and positively revel in checking customers' ages and personal details, using fingerprint and biometric scanners to gather data and — allegedly — share it with other pub owners. According to the Sydney Morning Herald data experts have grave concerns about what's being collected, with some "shocked" at the willingness of punters to hand over their details. More worrying were reports that some bar's strict dress codes were designed to prevent people from certain ethnic minority groups from gaining admission. Customers sporting 'stepped haircuts' would be refused entry, one venue said; the fact such hairstyles were popular among young Lebanese males was purely coincidental…

Dirty tricks of the trade

Parts of the BBC appear to be turning into our favourite newspaper, the Daily Mail. Last week on the 'Newsbeat' page of the Beeb's website, aimed at young people, appeared an article entitled 'Five tricks to make you buy more booze'. The report said the 'typical' 20-year-old drank nine pints of beer a week and that bars and drinks companies would sometimes "fight dirty" to get customers to part with their cash. Tactics used, fumed Newsbeat's hack, would include loud music, heating turned up full blast and - get this - "skilled staff", who would be good at persuading punters to part with their cash. One comment on the story read: "Nobody GETS you drinking more. If you didn't want to drink more you wouldn't." Hear, hear…

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