Signs of old times
Telegraph pubs writer Adam Edwards takes exception to the views of a Birmingham cleric who wants to change a pub sign to prevent offence Last month the rector of Kings Norton, Birmingham, asked that the name of the parish's former local pub, the Saracen's Head Inn, be changed because he believes it is offensive to Muslims. The Saracen's Head, a magnificent mediaeval timbered building on Kings Norton Green was the winner of BBC2's Restoration programme and will now get a grant to return it to its former glory. Canon Robert Norris has suggested that after the restoration is complete, its name might be changed because of its "connotation with the Crusades and Christianity'sbattle against Islam". The man is a buffoon. If the name change is agreed the names of half the pubs in England will have to be altered. The Lord Nelson, for example, is, if you follow his thinking, most offensive to the French. The Churchill is obviously beastly to the Germans and London's Gladstone pub is appallingly upsetting to the Irish. The Lord Kitchener must rankle with pacifists everywhere. Actually the joke is on therector. According to HP Maskell in his 1927 book The Taverns of Olde England the Saracen's Head was the crest of Lord Cobham known as "the good Lord Cobham". He was the Presbyterian Christian preacher who was roasted alive in 1417 after being found guilty of heresy by the Catholic Church for reading The Bible in English. The 500-year-old Saracen's Head is most likely named after him and is therefore the one sign that the rector should, in fact, support. However, his daffy political correctness did lead me to the realisation that English historyas told by our pub signs celebrates a somewhat narrow world of heraldry, hunting and horses. And while there has been a brief fashion for names lauding great British achievements such as the Rocket, the Comet and the Iron Bridge, I wondered why there has been so little consideration given to our post-war culture. Where are the pubs called the Boy Racer, or the Posh & Becks? Where is the Eddie Stobbart Arms or the Punk's Head? But more particularly, where are the pubs celebrating the greatest of our late 20th Century noblemen and women the Sir Mick Jagger the Sir Elton John and the Lady Thatcher? I can only assume the answer is that nowadays all of the above grandees give offence to the likes of the Reverend Robert Norris and his bigoted ilk. After all, Sir Mick likes a non-Islamic drink, Sir Elton is a practising homosexual and Lady Thatcher, well start with A for Argentin-ians for her "connotations with the crusades" and the dearth is fairly obvious. mutton and lamb The Prince of Wales (the chap with ears like pub signs, not the pub sign of the chap with ears) is fronting a campaign to promote British mutton this winter. This means in effect that mutton is about to eclipse pork belly on the saloon bar chalkboards of England. I like to think I am something of an old hand on the subject of mutton and for what it is worth, I pass on a few tips. Old lamb is not mutton. Proper mutton should be four years old, lean and well flavoured and not the fat castrated ram lamb that is usually passed off as the meat. The best mutton is Welshsaddle. Cold mutton should have been boiled and then left to cool in its own stock. Mutton pie is possibly the finest dish to come out of this country and is made with chopped cold mutton half fat, half lean with an equal quantity of chopped apples plus a little sugar andnutmeg. And finally, "Vicarage Mutton" for those of you on a budget is "hot on Sunday, cold on Monday, hashed on Tuesday, minced on Wednesday, curried on Thursday, broth on Friday, cottage pie on Saturday". Games for a laugh Camra, the Campaign for Real Ale, celebrated the Olympics by holding its own "Olympia Games" at the Great British Beer Festival at London's Olympia. The tournament was based around traditional pub games. It was a mean trick for the Campaign for Real Ale to play. Pub games darts, one-armed bandits, pool, skittles, shove-halfpenny, quizzes and the like are played by skilled competitors whose talents are greatly improved by performance-enhancing drugs in particular large quantities of alcohol, nicotine and the soy protein of the potato crisp. Olympic athletes are non-drinking, non-smoking healthy-eating idealists who treat their bodies as temples. That's right isn't it?
