Kitchen Confession

Kitchen confession: my unhealthy frying problem

By The KP

- Last updated on GMT

"I have to admit: I have a frying addiction"
"I have to admit: I have a frying addiction"
"Don't put that tomato in the deep fryer," I urge myself. "You know exactly what will happen."

It will fizz and, hopefully, explode. But the boiling oil beckons.

For the past three months as a kitchen porter, I've developed a seriously unhealthy frying problem, the likes of which would almost definitely warrant a Ramsay-esque bollocking from my oblivious head chef. 

I've secretly beer battered chunks of cheese. I've deep fried whole rashers of bacon. I've waited for said head chef to go on a fag break and scarfed my scalding hot, golden-brown abominations. 

I have to be honest with myself: I have a problem. 

My addiction is all-consuming. All shall be fried. In the name of science, for the glory of the act of frying itself. And, most importantly, because working next to the deep fryer has unleashed a deep sense of playfulness and childlike desire to experiment that I haven't felt in a long time. 

Some KPs want to watch the world burn. I want to batter it. 

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