Pete Robinson: Ministers' grilling - send in the clowns!

We now learn who are the key Trade speakers in the forthcoming March 4th "grilling" of Nu-Labour Ministers. They are Jonathan Neame, chief executive of Shepherd Neame; Mike Benner, Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA) chief executive and David Dryden, vice president Anheuser Busch UK & Ireland. Now forgive me if I'm wrong but these people will be representing their own interests. That's their job so you'd anticipate little else.

So who will be speaking up for you, the publicans, the ones at the sharp end who KNOW what's wrong with pubs? Erm, nobody apparently.

David Dryden will no doubt plead corporate poverty with no mention of certain bans that have hit Anheuser Busch sales hard in the countries and US states where they've been introduced.

Young Jonathan Neame seems quite a likeable chap. But akin to most who dwell in the trade's upper echelons he badly misjudged the impact of the smoking ban. Seduced by those siren statistics promising endless extra profits he jumped on board with the 'pro' lobby when he should already have been riding the opposite train.

In the run up to the ban Mr Neame said the company intended to "attract new customers and employees once the ban comes into force", adding: "July 1 heralds a new era for pub customers and employees, where people will notice a fresh, clean atmosphere".

All seems so laughably naive now, doesn't it?

Of all people Mike Benner of CAMRA should have known better. I remember CAMRA's early days when those involved were genuine die-hard real ale enthusiasts with their fingers firmly on the pulse of our nation's pubs. That's what originally made CAMRA so successful.

But with success came 'corporate identity' and that's where CAMRA lost focus. Desperate to ditch the image of the bearded roll-necked wooly jumper quaffing pewter tankards of Owd Baaastard the nu-look CAMRA repeatedly attempts to gild the lily by reinventing it's offering.

It's tried, and failed miserably in my opinion, to pitch real ale at the sophisticated yuppie market. Whatever their surveys tell them perhaps one day soon they might come to understand that it's never gonna replace wine, and that the overwhelming majority of women hate the stuff.

It was CAMRA's own pre-ban survey that had it backing Nu-Labour to the hilt. Just for a giggle here are some of it's key findings in February 2007:

*** Smokers are typically lager drinkers (43% of lager drinkers said they smoke).

*** 6.2 million people who visit pubs regularly are likely to visit pubs more often. Of that group 97% were non-smokers!

*** 840,000 people who never go to a pub said they will after the smoking ban. Added to the above figure that makes a total of 7,040,000 people who will visit pubs more often.

*** 93% of real ale drinkers said they would visit pubs more often.

*** 68% of regular smokers say it will not change their pub visiting habits at all.

*** 69% of all adults said it would not affect their visits to pubs at all, only 3% said they would not visit pubs at all as a result of the ban.

At the time Mike Benner said: "This survey shows that non-smokers will be attracted to pubs after the ban comes into force", adding: "The key will be to ensure that other factors such as quality of real ale, food, atmosphere and welcome are all superb.

If this is the case then the traditional Community Pub will have a bright and healthy future."

Over a year later and Mr Benner remains steadfastly unrepentant:

"In the long term it will be good for the trade and for society as a whole. It will no longer be a barrier to visiting pubs and it has opened the market up to older people and families with young children."

What? It's the older people who have been hit hardest by the ban.

Meanwhile families are only to be seen outside on sunny days, when the kids are now forced to sit among all the smokers.

We've also witnessed the sickening spectacle of CAMRA giving a 'Best Pub' award to the property developers who demolished it.

Yet still CAMRA cannot bring itself to admit they got it wrong.

The Smoking Ban has come to mimic the story of 'The King's New Clothes'. Everyone knows it's worst thing ever to afflict the pub trade, certainly most publicans do. Especially so for the growing band of redundant ex-publicans.

But throughout the rest of the trade there's a deliberate refusal to even consider the fact. That's because they all bought into those dodgy surveys and statistics published, or influenced, by ASH et al. They greedily lapped up all the fake optimism and swallowed it hook, line and sinker.

It takes a big man to admit he was wrong and sadly there's a distinct lack of them amongst our trade spokesmen. And so the people who inadvertently brought about the demise of the trade still claim to speak on our behalf.

When the tie is eventually broken and fair rents restored it will improve profitability but not turnover. At the end of the recession Tescos will still be piling high and selling cheap while your once best-spending customers will be getting quite used to partying at home.

Some people say it's too late now to amend the smoking ban.

That's simply not true. From the Corn Laws through prohibition and post-war rationing to the Poll Tax, history is littered with unpopular laws that have been altered or overturned.

Before that can begin the trade as a whole must admit to having a problem. A problem that won't even get a mention on March 4th.