Pete Robinson: Smoking can be really cute

It's political correctness gone mad. Kindly excuse that rather hackneyed theme, plagiarised from many a tabloid headline. I just needed to get it out of my system. Reading the news today I had to pinch myself. Nope, astonishingly I was still awake and this is today's reality.

You may be surprised to learn that Finland has banned the sale of cute cigarette lighters. Finland's National Product Control Agency (STTV) happened to notice that shops and supermarkets have, for many years, been selling lighters emblazoned with pictures of kittens and puppies. Moving quickly to protect the public the STTV announced a default fine of 120,000 euros for purveyors of such evil, irresponsible merchandise.

No, that figure isn't a typo. Slip a cuddly pooch lighter under the counter in a brown paper bag, to a punter of any age, and you're facing a penalty of eighty thousand pounds. Strike a light!

The argument goes that cute lighters could be attractive to children who, having purchased a kitten lighter, would naturally rush out to buy a packet of fags so the wretched thing doesn't go to waste. Cigarettes, of course, don't carry pictures of kittens so I would have thought the inferred connection is tenuous to say the least.

Surely the obvious course of action would be to discourage the sale of all lighters to kids. That way you entirely remove any possible risk, with the added bonus the little Finns will be less likely to burn down their school. Plus adult smokers who genuinely adore puppies and kittens would still have the right to own their lighter of choice.

But of course that would be far too simple for the 'antis'. The antis are only interested in banning things. No matter that there are more logical and practical alternatives. No matter if it flies in the face of common sense. No matter who suffers, and whatever the cost. No matter how many lies they have to tell. No matter how they must twist and distort any scientific evidence, they'll keep on 'spinning' the statistics until they get their ban.

Then, are they happy? You must be joking. An 'anti' can never be happy until the next ban, and the next, then the next. It's an insatiable addiction far worse than nicotine. They'll keep on campaigning relentlessly 'til they drop.

For all our sakes of course. Just like Cromwell's puritans, or the witch-burning founding fathers, or the Spanish Inquisition.

All reason is suspended when crusading antis decide to save us from ourselves. And there's the rub. Although antis only make up a tiny minority they cloak themselves in the banner of 'the common good'. Under the New Morality of this topsy-turvey, pee-cee world we inhabit they jealously covet the moral high ground so there can be no argument against their cause. The silent majority can't seem to formulate a strategy to combat their meddlesome, rabid resolve.

So in a few years' time when both smoking and drinking are outlawed, and they've got us all living on rabbit food, dressed in recycled 'uniforms', peeing into biodegradable buckets and cycling to work then we'll only have ourselves to blame.

You'll find me in Room 101.